Earlier this week, my dad was texting me about a situation I have going on within my close friend group. He thinks I may be too involved in certain situations, which I cannot disclose due to confidentiality. However, he gave me an analogy that I have been thinking about a lot. He said “someone once explained it to me as fitting your friends on a lifeboat. You can fit a certain capacity. If you stay within that capacity, you can all make it to shore. That may mean you have to leave some behind. If you take on too much capacity, you all capsize, and no one makes it to shore.”
I usually take my dad’s advice without much question as he is a very wise man. He is one of those people with great intuition, and even if you question a decision of his you can always count on things to work out in the end. I used to whine when he would make me do a task step by step instead of taking the quickest route, but I realize now he was showing me how to get the best result. It was also more rewarding to know that I put so much time and effort into a project. It’s actually interesting because we are using the methodology my dad believes with our rewrites. Due to everything repeatedly working out in the end, I have learned to trust my dad’s instincts; but, this time I am questioning his advice.
Although his advice was just a metaphor, I have found myself thinking about it as a legitimate situation. What friends would I absolutely have to have on my lifeboat? Is there anyone close to me I would be better off leaving behind? Perhaps, but what about the guilt I would have to live with if I abandoned a friend? Especially if that friend was in a desperate situation. I believe in the importance of self-care, and know that you can only give so much to others before you start to give yourself away; or, in my dad’s words, before you sink your own lifeboat. However, it is not an option for me to abandon a close friend in need. My father, on the other hand, would have left his friend behind in order to make it safely to shore.
I am not suggesting my dad is wrong or I am right, but I am realizing we have different values. I admire my dad for his motivation and drive to succeed, I just never considered what he had to sacrifice along the way. I would never let myself fail due to distractions around me, but I am not willing to sacrifice as much as my father. In my opinion, being successful means nothing if you have no one to share it with. If I have to make multiple trips to shore in order to get all my close friends there, I will do it.
I am by no means a perfect friend who would do anything for any one of my friends, even if I like to think so. I have certainly had my fair share of selfish moments. I am just saying I would never all together abandon a good friend in need. On the other hand, if that friend was toxic, and was sabotaging my life boat, I would have no problem leaving them behind. I see where my dad is coming from, and respect his advice, but I cannot completely follow it. That being said, his analogy is something I will keep in mind as life goes on.