I have always been a perfectionist. For most of life, this was a useful trait—it pushed me to work hard and do my best work all the time. But as my courses have gotten harder, my perfectionism has started to cause more problems for me. In high school and now also in college, I have taken more classes that pushed me outside of my comfort zone. This has afforded me valuable opportunities to grow, but it has also meant that I have been taking classes in which I don’t already have the skills to excel. The nature of my perfectionism is such that if I don’t know how to do something perfectly, I have a very difficult time getting myself to even start working on it. Because of this, the only thing I’ve learned how to excel at is procrastination. Taken to the extreme, this has led to times where I just didn’t submit assignments because I knew that I wouldn’t have been able to do them perfectly. Intellectually, I know that submitting an assignment even if it’s not perfect is better than getting a zero. I have done the calculations to prove this, and in most cases where I didn’t turn in an assignment, my grade would have been substantially better even if I had gotten a 50% rather than a 0%. Despite seeing these numbers though, I still can’t get myself to believe that not only is turning in an imperfect assignment better than not turning it in at all, but even that it’s okay to turn in an assignment that isn’t perfect.
Processing the Writing Process
Working with Beth on the rewrite of my “Bloodchild” essay has taught me some valuable lessons on the writing process and on my own habits as a writer. My first instinct whenever I get a writing assignment is to think about it briefly, assume that I don’t have anything to say that could spawn a good essay, and then avoid it until the last possible minute. I put it off so long that I don’t give myself time to start with a small idea and follow it to a conclusion that can lead me to longer essay. My original “Bloodchild” essay started the same way, as did the rewrite. I didn’t have an idea for an entire essay right off the bat, so I got stuck and avoided it. When I met with Beth, we discussed the small ideas I did have, and she helped me unpack them. Going through that process allowed me to nurture those ideas and continue to expand on them, which did lead me to an idea for an essay. I don’t have more ideas now than I did before, but by allowing myself time to think through those ideas, I was able to develop them into an essay and realize that they were more sophisticated then they first appeared. This has been a valuable learning experience for me, and has taught me that I need to allow myself time to go through that process.
Collaborative Writing: A Lesson in Confidence
I have always been very shy, and it has been hard for me to work up the courage to speak up in discussion based classes. This class was no exception, so when I realized that collaborative writing was a substantial part of the course, it sounded like my worst nightmare. And it felt like that when we started our collaborative writing. However, as we continued writing collaboratively more and more, I became much more confident and comfortable sharing my ideas. By the second or third day of collaborative writing, I was speaking up a lot, to the surprise of even myself. I wasn’t just agreeing with other people’s ideas anymore, I was voicing my own opinions. It was scary at first, but I realized that as I let myself take those risks, the process was much more rewarding. That realization was kind of an “oh, duh” moment for me—this class is about the risks and rewards of academic partnerships, and of course this collaborative writing project is an academic partnership, and of course that partnership will be filled with risks and rewards. I didn’t realize that until I let myself really participate in the partnership of collaborative writing, but that realization completely changed my view of collaborative writing and it is no longer something I dread.
Being a subject of knowledge
In class on Monday, we were faced with the question of whether we are objects or subjects of knowledge in our life as college students. In my experience, while it is possible to get by as an object of knowledge, it is beneficial to make the effort to be a subject of knowledge in order to excel. I have experienced this myself in my physics classes. Last year, I self-studied for the calculus-based AP Physics Electricity & Magnetism Exam. I did not start studying early enough and, having run out of time to learn the material, figured I would be okay because they give us a substantial formula sheet on the exam. I planned to be an object of the knowledge on the formula sheet, and did not bring enough of my own knowledge to the table. This did not work well for me. The knowledge given, the formula sheet, was a helpful starting point, but that was all it was. I was not able to figure out most of the problems on the exam. I managed to get a passing grade, but only barely. This year, in Analytical Physics II, we are covering the same material that was on that exam. We had an exam on much of that material before break that went significantly better than the AP exam last year. A large part of that is because I am not trying to learn the material from a review book and have a good instructor (thanks, Dr. Freeman!), but it is also because this year, I am making the effort to make sure I understand the concepts involved and making sure I learn things well enough that I can bring sufficient knowledge of my own to the exam and not just rely on the knowledge that is provided on the formula sheet. Making this leap between being an object of knowledge to being a subject of knowledge has helped me not just pass my physics classes, but excel in them.
When Gen Eds Go Wrong
In class, when we discussed the GLOBE, we also talked about the gen ed requirements and why they are in place. I believe that one of the biggest reasons for gen eds is to push us out of our comfort zone and force us to take classes that we would not otherwise take, and in doing so, get us to learn new skills and fulfill the 8 learning outcomes listed in the GLOBE: critical thinking; communication; quantitative, computational, and symbolic reasoning; informational and digital literacy; creativity and creative thinking; leadership and collaboration; diversity and pluralism; and global awareness and engagement. These are definitely valuable skills for us to learn, but we need to be careful that we do not place more value on some of these skills over others.