Author: Mandy Xiang

In the recent class discussions focusing on good faith, bad faith, harm and repair, the short story “Bloodchild” by Octavia Butler reminds readers to connect it all back to the throughline of the INTD 105-04 course: the risk and rewards of (academic) partnership. The short story takes place within the Preserve where Tlics, the native species of the planet co-exist peacefully with Terrans, humans that have escaped Earth and sought refuge on Tlic land. Under the Preserve system, a sense of trust was fostered through a mutually beneficial relationship between the two species: in exchange for protection from the Tlics that mean to dehumanize them, select Terrans in the Preserve will voluntarily carry fertile Tlic eggs. However, as unwavering as this trust seems, it was actually quite fragile. The abrupt introduction of risk and transparency had easily shattered the harmonious and seemingly risk-free relationship between two main characters, Gan, a Terran boy, and T’Gatoi, Gan’s would-be Tlic mate. The untimely reveal of the risks in dealing with a partner had done a lot of harm to the trust between Gan and T’Gatoi, but it was better late than never. Both Gan and T’Gatoi, now with complete clarity of the situation and circumstances they are in, demonstrate remarkable effort and good faith in trying to repair the damage in their relationship. It begins with Gan who says “[i]f we [Terrans] are not your [the Tlics’] animals, if these are adult things, accept the risk. There is risk, Gatoi, in dealing with a partner” (Butler 26). This line resonates with the idea that there needs to be risk in a relationship for there to be real trust. 

The consequence of the risk-free trust between Gan and T’Gatoi was the sheer fragility of it. Gan, who had been ignorant to how his life may be at risk when he becomes an N’Tlic, had no qualms about hosting T’Gatoi’s eggs. Similarly, T’Gatoi never needed to have faith in the fact that Gan would never raise his family’s rifle against her and her children when she was unaware that Gan’s family had illegally kept a firearm. However, the absence of risk has taken a toll on their relationship when Gan is no longer blind to the reality of the N’Tlic birthing process and T’Gatoi was made aware of the illegal firearm that Gan’s family had kept. In the moment of truth, Gan and T’Gatoi had regarded one another with wariness, as they were both unaccustomed to the presence of risk within their relationship.

“Real” trust is the kind of trust that is built on the grounds of transparency and good faith. The real trust between partners would not break under pressure – in face of harsh truth and circumstances – but endure, compromise, and work together to overcome. This is something that the initial blind trust that Gan and T’Gatoi had in one another could not accomplish. The extent of the distrust that T’Gatoi has toward Gan is revealed when she had immediately assumed the worst when confronting Gan about his rifle. Her question to Gan, if “[he] mean[s] to use it to shoot [her]” (Butler 24), gives away her understandable fear and distrust of Gan. Her fear is understandable because she does not have unconditional trust in Gan’s good faith and character. Furthermore, her distrust of Gan is heightened when she notices Gan’s implicit biases against her and Tlics when he jumps “at the word ‘worms’” (Butler 25). She has no confidence in the fact that Gan would never shoot her, her future children, or her fellow Tlics. Their inexperience in dealing with risk, which reveals the implicit biases that Gan has toward T’Gatoi, is reminiscent of the prompt in To the Forums! 4 where students were asked to of apply their understanding of implicit bias to “Bloodchild”. Tlic grubs were “limbless and boneless […] blind and slimy with blood” (Butler 16), mindless and parasitic. “Worm” was the word that came to Gan’s mind as T’Gatoi delivers the Tlic grubs from N’Tlic Bram Lomas’ body. Seeing T’Gatoi’s excitement over the newly hatched Tlic grubs and lack of concern of Lomas’ pain, Gan becomes doubtful of T’Gatoi’s humanity. When Gan observes T’Gatoi as she “licked away [Lomas’] blood” he had wondered if “she like[d] the taste,” and if this was a childhood habit that lasts a Tlic’s entire lifetime (Butler 17). Implicit biases are at play when he equates T’Gatoi to a mindless, parasitic, inhumane worm. It is also the influence of implicit bias when he notes the smallest details that make T’Gatoi not-human such as her eyes, which, unlike human eyes, could not see the swell of Gan’s face in the dark (Butler 21). In sacrificing transparency to avoid taking risks, T’Gatoi had inadvertently made space for implicit biases and misconceptions to form in her relationship with Gan.

If real trust is trust that is based entirely on good faith and transparency, then how can we tell if a partner is acting in good faith or not? In some scenarios like when students of the INTD 105-04 course are given the privilege to self-assess and grade ourselves, the presence of risk acts as a test of character: it is what we do with this privilege that is reflective of who we are as a person. If a student assigns his or herself a grade that accurately evaluates the quality of his or her work, it would be a testament of the student’s good faith. If the grade does not match the quality of the student’s work, it would either be a testament of his or her bad faith, or an honest mistake in self-evaluation. Similarly, in “Bloodchild”, when T’Gatoi allows Gan to keep his rifle, whatever he chooses to do with the rifle is reflective of who he is as a person. If he continues to stay true to his words that he “wouldn’t have shot [T’Gatoi]” (Butler 29), then it is a sign of his good faith. However, if he abuses this privilege by raising it against T’Gatoi, her children, and/or the Tlics, it would prove his bad faith. Risk is, in a sense, the ultimate test of faith in all partnerships.  

Risk is not a tool reserved only for individuals, who give their partners a benefit of a doubt, as a means to evaluate them. The presence of risk can also bring about transparency in the self-reflection of said partner. Reflection, one of the learning outcomes of Geneseo Learning Outcome for Baccalaureate Education (GLOBE), is a crucial aspect of personal growth. When Gan’s decision is no longer influenced by his ignorance of risk that it will truly become his own; only then will it be an honest reflection of his character. When T’Gatoi gives Gan an ultimatum – either she implants her eggs in him, or she implants her eggs in his sister Xuan Hoa – there were many factors to reflect on before he could arrive at his final decision. Gan nearly pushes the position of N’Tlic onto Xuan Hoa, making her his shield, just like how his brother Qui used Gan as his shield. Upon further reflection, he questions himself if it would “be easier to know that red worms were growing in her flesh instead of” his own (Butler 26). Because he is not his brother, Qui, “who does not hold himself accountable for the safety of his family members” (as cited in Goal-setting essay), Gan makes a decision that is reflective of his selfless and caring nature: he chooses to become T’Gatoi’s N’Tlic so his sister does not have to.

It would seem that the benefit of risk in a partnership only appears when the relationship is strengthened when a partner demonstrates his or her good faith. What if the partner acted in bad faith? In a way, risk is a lot like the sensation of pain. In most cases, people would perceive pain as a negative thing – not many people would enjoy feeling it. That is not to say we could do without pain; in fact, pain is crucial to our health and safety because it alerts us if we are being harmed. The necessity of risk also stems from the way it alerts us and the people around us if we are being harmed. By revealing the harm that is taking place in a partnership, be it out of bad faith or of other reasons, steps can be taken in repairing a relationship. After all, you cannot fix a problem if said problem has not yet been identified. In To the Forums! 11 where the discussions had much to do with the harm and repair of the academic partnership between students and SUNY Geneseo, the college’s attendance policies were examined. The original attendance policies which penalized students for absences that couldn’t be helped did more harm than good to students under the circumstances brought by the Covid-19 pandemic. To combat this, new attendance policies, which did not penalize students who could not show up for class for health-related (and other) reasons, were implemented for the duration of the pandemic. While these new policies come with the risk of students skipping class under the pretense of being ill, it also alerts the SUNY Geneseo Office of Provost of which students require outreach, counseling, or any other form of help. Similarly, in “Bloodchild”, Gan’s newfound awareness of the way the system of the Preserve harms Terrans by “protecting” them from witnessing the reality of N’Tlic birth, leads him to suggest a way to repair Tlic and Terran partnerships, should there ever come a day when the N’Tlic birthing process can no longer be shielded from Terran eyes. Rather than finding the “whole procedure wrong, alien” (Butler 17), Terrans would be mentally equipped to deal with seeing the process if they were shown from a young age and “shown more than once” (Butler 29). If harm could not be recognized without risk and reparations cannot be made if the source of harm is not identified, then the presence of risk is also necessary for any reparations to be made.

Throughout the INTD 105-04 course, the observation of Gan and T’Gatoi’s relationship in “Bloodchild”, the academic partnership between student and faculty at SUNY Geneseo as well as the one between students of INTD 105-04 and Professor McCoy, all attest to the fact that relationships that forgo risks also forgo the chance of forming real trust between all partners involved. Blind trust is by no means unconditional; it only appears to be strong for as long as the individual remains ignorant to the risks of the relationship that he or she is in – that is, if the individual’s partner is withholding or obscuring knowledge of certain risks that can potentially affect the dynamic of their relationship. Blind trust leaves all partners in a relationship vulnerable to the sudden exposure of risk and transparency. Like the way Gan struggles to deal with the sight of and N’Tlic giving birth to grubs, the individual would find him or herself struggling to accept the truth. The integrity of the individual’s partner would be questioned and doubted as well since neither partner could genuinely prove their good faith towards one another when they were involved in a risk-free relationship. In a relationship where trials and tribulations, understanding and making compromises, and the practice of transparency and self-reflection are not commonplace due to the absence of risk, are inexperienced in the act of repairing trust.  The reward of risk – that is, achieving real trust in a relationship or partnership – is an undeniably difficult journey, but where there’s a will, there’s a way. Fragile as Gan and T’Gatoi’s trust in one another had been, they handled their fallout remarkably well in the end. How they managed to start repairing their relationship was a product of Gan’s transparent reflection of himself and his situation, and T’Gatoi’s acceptance of risk in their relationship.

If this course, INTD 105-04, is comparable to that of the Preserve in Octavia Butler’s “Bloodchild”, then parallels may also be drawn from the partnerships formed within these two institutions. The partnership between Gan and T’Gatoi, and the one between the students of INTD 105-04 and Professor Beth McCoy, are both built on a foundation of trust. Alongside these partnerships are its risk and rewards as well as the responsibilities of the parties involved to uphold it. 

The conditional trust and partnership between Gan and T’Gatoi is one that is born through force of circumstance. Both characters are a part of a system that rewards the mutualism of a Tlic and Terran; within the Preserve established by T’Gatoi and her political faction, the Terrans are protected from the hordes of Tlics that did not understand, or did not care to out of desperation, saw and would have treated Terrans as nothing more than ideal host animals for their young. (Butler, 5) In return, Terrans would willingly carry the fertile eggs of the Tlic ensuring that the Tlic species would not go extinct. Gan had absolutely no qualms about receiving the honor of becoming an N’Tlic, the host of T’Gatoi’s eggs, until he witnessed childbirth for the first time. Lomas, an N’Tlic, who had (unknowingly) accepted the risk in becoming a host – for no Terran, according to T’Gatoi’s experience and knowledge, had seen a birth and take it well, and thus they should be protected from seeing (Butler, 28) – had suffered the horrifying consequences of being left alone by his Tlic partner during childbirth. The possibility of sharing the same fate as Lomas hadn’t been a risk that Gan was willing to take, which left both him and T’Gatoi at a stalemate. Their responsibilities – T’Gatoi to her people, and Gan to his family – were what established their fragile partnership in the end. Both of them have the means to hurt one another to the point beyond forgiveness: in allowing Gan to keep the rifle, T’Gatoi risks putting herself and her children in danger; and there is no telling of the possibility of T’Gatoi being absent when Gan gives birth to her children. It is Gan who has said it best: “There is risk, Gatoi, in dealing with a partner.” (Butler, 26)

Any partnership involves risk and responsibility. For Professor McCoy to extend her trust to the students INTD 105-04, so that they can “meaningfully, thoughtfully, and honestly assess their own coursework based on feedback they receive from instructor and peers” (McCoy), would require good faith on her part, and course accountability of the students.

There are many rewards, two in particular, that I intend to take away from my academic partnerships with Professor McCoy and my classmates. The first is to become a dependable judge of the quality of my work through the practice of unbiased self-assessment. To accomplish this would require that I be honest to myself about my own work. In other words, I must stay vigilant of any biases that I may have towards my work, whether it means to be overly critical or overly lenient. Self-criticism taken too far, harsh, and unforgiving is counterproductive – what was meant to be thoughtful and helpful advice becomes twisted into discouragement. The purpose and process of revision is solely dedicated to the improvement of one’s work, which by no means equates to demoralizing the initial process of thinkING and writing itself. However, to be forgiving without understanding my own work is also counterproductive; it is no different than being indifferent of any errors I have made – a serious breach in my obligations as a student given the privilege of grading my own papers. In short, a biased assessment would lead to an inaccurate evaluation of character; unnecessary steps may be taken to fix what isn’t broken, and the real problems may be ignored. 

The second is to use this opportunity to help myself in transitioning from having a fixed mindset to a growth mindset. Because this course removes the “stress-producing grades that end up inevitably becoming the focus instead of the learning” (McCoy), students will be able to dedicate their full attention to their writing and thinkING process, personal growth, and looking out for their peers. I do not doubt that INTD 105-04 is a space that would allow the growth mindset to thrive. Rather than anxiously waiting to be graded on the final product of my paper, I could appreciate the journey taken to arrive at my paper’s destination. I would be given more room to ask myself how could I have done better, what I can improve on, what can I do differently next time, rather than agonizing over the shallow question of “did I do good?” If the answer is no, then the usual sensation that entails is the sense of unworthiness. If the answer is yes, then it means I’d have reached the peak of my abilities. Neither answer encourages anything better, the former a downward spiral of negativity, and the latter an excuse to not put in more effort than the bare minimum required. This blatant lack of care and accountability for my work and action is not something I wish to make a habit. With this reward of self-grading, I intend to instill the habit of taking initiative in my personal growth. 

However, these rewards of the self-grading policy would be rendered useless if I did not care to reap them to begin with. I would be breaking Professor McCoy’s trust in me as a student should I forgo my responsibility to not take advantage of her policy by giving myself high, if not full marks, without putting in the work for it. If that were the case, I would be no better than Gan’s older brother Qui, who does not hold himself accountable at all for the safety of his family members. In fact, he gloats at the knowledge of his own safety while Gan is the one who must take the risk of becoming an N’Tlic. (Butler, 21) All the more despicable, as much as he runs away from the risks of the Tlic-Terran partnership, he always comes back to demand for his one of the rewards: a share of the contents of T’Gatoi’s sterile egg for the euphoric high that it induces. (Butler, 9) It didn’t matter to Qui if the lives of his siblings are at stake, but it was the case for Gan, who demonstrates a great deal of accountability throughout “Bloodchild”. He could’ve used his sister, Xuan Hoa, as a shield against the risks of upholding the deal made in the Tlic-Terran partnership, just like Qui. However, he knows himself that he “was not Qui,” and unlike Qui, it would not “be easier to know that red worms were growing in her flesh instead of” his own. (Butler, 26) It is against my values, an impediment to my growth to be like Qui. While his fears were justifiable, he ultimately could not overcome them due to his overpowering selfishness. I will take Gan’s path, because like him, I have many things to care for: myself, my work, my partnerships and all the risks and rewards that it comes with, and the maintenance of Professor McCoy’s trust in my course accountability. 

If this course, INTD 105-04, is comparable to that of the Preserve in Octavia Butler’s “Bloodchild”, then parallels may also be drawn from the partnerships formed within these two institutions or refuge. The common ground of the partnership between Gan and T’Gatoi, the partnership between the students of INTD 105-04 and Professor Beth McCoy, and any partnership in general, is built on a foundation of trust. Alongside trust are its risks and rewards, and its responsibilities.

The conditional trust between Gan and T’Gatoi is one that is born through force of circumstance. Both characters are a part of a system that rewards the partnership of a Tlic and Terran: within the Preserve established by T’Gatoi and her political faction, the Terrans are protected from the hordes of Tlics that did not understand, or in their desperation, saw and would have treated Terrans as nothing more than ideal host animals for their young. (Butler, 5) In return, Terrans would willingly carry the fertile eggs of the Tlic ensuring that the Tlic species would not go extinct. Gan had absolutely no qualms about receiving the honor of becoming an N’Tlic, the host of T’Gatoi’s eggs, until he witnessed childbirth for the first time. Lomas, an N’Tlic, who had (unknowingly) accepted the risk in becoming an N’Tlic – for no Terran, according to T’Gatoi’s experience and knowledge, had seen a birth and take it well, and thus they should be protected from seeing (Butler, 28) – had suffered the horrifying consequences of being left alone by his Tlic partner during childbirth. The possibility of sharing the same fate as Lomas hadn’t been a risk that Gan was willing to take, which left both him and T’Gatoi at a stalemate. Their responsibilities – T’Gatoi to her people, and Gan to his family – were what established their fragile partnership in the end. Both of them have the means to hurt one another to the point beyond forgiveness: in allowing Gan to keep the rifle, T’Gatoi risks putting herself and her children in danger; and there is no telling of the possibility of T’Gatoi being absent when Gan gives birth to her children. It is Gan who has said it best: “There is risk, Gatoi, in dealing with a partner.” (Butler, 26)

Any partnership involves risk and responsibility. To love someone is also to risk heartbreak. To promise or to be promised something is also to risk a promise broken. For Professor McCoy to extend her trust to the students INTD 105-04, so that they can “meaningfully, thoughtfully, and honestly assess their own coursework based on feedback they receive from instructor and peers” (McCoy), would require good faith on her part, and course accountability of the students.

There are many rewards, two in particular, that I intend to take away from this course. The first is to become accustomed to the sense of independence in writing through self-assessment in order to become a dependable judge of character of myself and others. To accomplish this would require that I would be honest to myself about my own work, for it is in my hands now to recognize any error or (harmful) carelessness in my writing. However, self-criticism cannot be taken too far lest it becomes something that would be detrimental to personal growth. To be overly critical or overly lenient would lead to an inaccurate evaluation of character; unnecessary steps may be taken to fix what isn’t broken, and the real problems may be ignored. The second is to use this opportunity to help myself in transitioning from having a fixed mindset to a growth mindset. Because this course removes the “stress-producing grades that end up inevitably becoming the focus instead of the learning” (McCoy), students will be able to dedicate their full attention to their writing and thinkING process, personal growth, and looking out for their peers. I do not doubt that INTD 105-04 is a space that would allow the growth mindset to thrive. Rather than anxiously waiting to be graded on the final product of my paper, I could appreciate the journey taken to arrive at my paper’s destination. I would be given more room to ask myself how could I have done better, what I can improve on, what can I do differently next time, rather than agonizing over the shallow question of “did I do good?” 

However, the benefits and purpose of self-grading policy would be rendered useless if I, or any student in general, did not care for the responsibilities that come with it. At any point in time, should Gan ever decided to shirk his responsibility of keeping his family safe as his eldest brother Qui had, then he has his sister and T’Gatoi’s trust to lose – T’Gatoi, who “stood between [him and his family] and her own people, protecting, interweaving”, who chose to give Gan the benefit of doubt. (Butler 29) It was his responsibility, according to his mother, to take care of T’Gatoi in return. Like Gan who demonstrates accountability in one instance where he felt guilt for inadvertently hurting her, as a student of Professor McCoy, it is my job to hold myself responsible for my actions in this course.